Self This, Self That…Am I Selfish?

Over the last few years, we have entered an era of self-care. Right, I know…what the heck is that?! Let me explain. For as long as we can remember, putting oneself last and at the bottom of the priority list was considered a strength. It was simply unacceptable for a woman to say, “Look, I’m tired, Fred. You’re going to have to figure out dinner for yourself. I’m getting a massage.” But now, the narrative has changed and all things ‘self’ have not only become popular, but encouraged. 

What is Self-Care?

Put yourself first. Take time for you. People say these things a lot, but what does it really mean? According to Psychology Today, “self care in essence is the mindful taking of time to pay attention to you, not in a narcissistic way, but in a way that ensures that you are being cared for by you.” No, the definition isn’t all vague and loosey-goosey just because. Self-care encompasses a broad range of thoughts and activities (or lack thereof, if that’s what you need) that means something different to everybody. Self-care could mean your favorite cup of coffee and a good book, it could mean a massive shopping spree, or it could mean you just want to lie around in bed all day. It is being in tune with oneself, doing what is required to keep things in tune; typically involving one or more of the following categories:

• Self-improvement 
• Self-awareness
• Self-preservation
• Self-love
• Self-discipline
• Self-control
• Self-esteem
• Self-confident
• Self-worth
• Self-discovery

No matter what self-care looks like to you, it is so very important. Forbes states, “No matter how indulgent or fancy the term may sound, self-care is crucial for our physical, emotional and mental well-being.” Taking the time to ensure you are taken care of will drastically improve your overall functionality and allow you to then take better care of those around you. But has the line between taking care of oneself and being downright selfish become blurred?

Is Self-Care Selfish?

In short, the answer is no: self-care is not selfish. Let’s use a quick analogy. When you go on a plane, the flight attendants give you that scripted spiel about safety and what to do in case of an emergency. They tell you that if an oxygen mask falls from the compartment above your head, to put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then help others around you. You are supposed to put the oxygen mask on yourself – before your own kids. Sounds crazy, right? No. Because if you aren’t functioning properly, then those that rely on you will also not function properly. You cannot help anyone if you die on the plane because you can’t follow instructions. 

“There is a difference between self-absorbed, narcissistic behavior and sound internal self-care. Self-care is about taking good care of our own feelings so we don’t project them onto others, act badly, or cause problems in relationships. Being in touch with our own feelings and embracing them is the healthiest thing we can do.” – Psychology Today