Sorry, I’m a Serial Apologist

Are you a woman who catches yourself apologizing more often than you should, or for things that don’t actually require the words ‘I’m sorry’ to sputter from your mouth? Perhaps even the people around you have asked why you apologize so much or have pleaded with you to stop. To which you probably said sorry for saying sorry for constantly being sorry about everything. If you suffer from over-apologizing, I am here to help. 

Why Do Women Keep Apologizing?

Lucky for you, you are not alone. Millions upon millions of other women also suffer from being overly apologetic. According to NBC News, women have a tendency to apologize more than men. Reasons vary, but this unique syndrome is likely attributed to years upon years of being “socialized into a passive mindset” and “people pleasing behavior.” Frequent use of the word sorry may also stem from fear and anxiety, or a yearning to keep the peace among those around you. 

Whatever the reason, women keep apologizing for the most unnecessary, ridiculous things that are 100% out of their control and in no way, shape, or form their fault. Here’s an example:

The mailman is late. Who cares? Probably no one. But you? You say, “I’m so sorry that the package didn’t arrive before you had to leave.” 

How is the fact that the mailman is behind on schedule your fault, problem, or issue that warrants an apology from you? It’s NOT. Please do not feel ashamed. Women who over apologize don’t mean any harm. To be honest, saying sorry all the time brings more harm to you than anyone else.

The Impacts of Over-Apologizing

People perceive serial apologists in different ways. Psych Central says over-apologizing can negatively impact your career and personal life because it gives people the impression that you are:

• Insecure or self-doubting
• Insincere
• Powerless or lack of leadership abilities
• In need of validation
• Compromising of your own values and beliefs

“Apologizing when we have done something wrong is a real strength, but compulsive apologizing presents as a weakness at work and in personal relationships.” – Tara Swart

3-Step Program to Stop Saying Sorry

So you admit you have a problem. Now what? How do you get beyond apologizing for the mailman’s lack of punctuality, and reserve your ‘sorry’s’ for the truly warranted mistakes, mishaps, and blunders of life. Not to worry! If you are truly ready to change and stop apologizing for every little thing – there is hope for you. Simply follow this 3-step program to get on the road to recovery!

Step #1: Acknowledging the problem is the first step toward recovery. You admit that you are, in fact, a serial apologist and are seeking to change. 

Step #2: Identify the various triggers that cause you to apologize. Yes, this might be a lot of things, but figure out when you say sorry the most (certain people or places, moods, times of day, emotions, etc). 

Step #3: Start swapping out your unwarranted apologies with other words or phrases. If we go back to the mailman example, you could swap out “I’m so sorry that the package didn’t arrive before you had to leave” with “The mail delivery is so unpredictable! Maybe your package will be waiting for you when you get home.”